Merry Christmas

Today was a wonderful day. I thought that I would be more bummed due to the circumstances of our family's dynamics, not to forget me missing my mom. Keeping the peace was so nice. It's been a long time since we could all be in the same place and not be at or ignore each other. Today is a day of peace how God intended.

I did have my challenges and trying to have a different perspective is not always easy. I'm just glad I stood my ground. There were times I wanted to be angry and mean, but I stayed on higher ground. That is not always easy when you are dealing with those that know how to push your buttons.

I was also sad and wishing. But you know what, if it's meant to be it will be. No matter how I feel, if it isn't blessed off on and isn't meant than I must just keep moving forward. This last month or so I've had a slew of opportunities and people come into my life. But even with the noise, I call it that not in an unappreciative sense, I know what I do and don't want in my life. What I don't want is my face and family put in a place of scrutiny. Not because I have things to hide but because you can't reel it all in once you open those doors.

No matter what, I have been so blessed this year. I have created great relationships with kind and honest people. I have discarded all the crap I don't want to be about. I have given other's an opportunity to heal even when they didn't know they needed it. Learning about who I am and who I'm not has been an adventure. And even when I think I might be compromising myself a tad, I think it's because I'm scared of the emotions that are drawn from the situation.

Most of all, I have loved, excepted, honored and given when I felt like I didn't have the strength. And it feels damn good. I've made unlikely friends, hunted for those I don't know, and accepted nothing in return. This is why I feel like I have been honored with the gift of "spirit", because no matter how you may strike my face, I will find a way to forgive and give to you in a way neither of us expected.

Thank you God for trusting me to be wise, kind and giving-- even when I thought I was incapable. Merry Christmas and Thank you all who have graced my life with their presence, even when proven difficult.