Transiting Sun Conjunct Natal Saturn = Get Real

A good friend of mine suggested that I blog more often if I wanted increased traffic. So here I am doing just that. It just so happens that the Sun is transiting my Saturn. Saturn is the disciplinarian of the planets. Saturn makes you stick to your guns; it also punishes you when you don't.  The energy that is released is triggered and amplified by transits. How it manifests it's no nonsense energy is dictated by the planet transiting. This particular transit started last week through my 7th house.

The 7th house is the House of Partnerships. This means any of your relationships, whether they are business or personal will be affected. This is why I suddenly got the bright idea to clear my junk with my ex out my Akashic record last week. It is also why I'm also getting stern with another relationship in my life. Saturn makes you open your eyes, so when it is energized by the Sun (Ego) you cut through the crap really quick. It feels like someone throwing a bucket of ice water on you. You can't but help to snap into reality.

My re-evaluation is based on a set of facts that I disregarded in my starry eyed period. I won't lie, I was thinking with my heart and vagina. This particular person has completely abandoned our friendship because he has something new entertaining his penis. I've always taken issue with individuals that give up or abandon friendships over new romances. Especially, when I've discussed past relationships or potential relationships with them. Most chicks won't talk to a guy about their potential conquest.

I had a friend do this person's chart. One of the theme's acknowledging the one's who will pack your parachute over, those who just want to flatter. Yeah. It's time to hit the bricks. I've said it before and somehow, got all weak in the knees. Well not this time. Thank you transit for giving me my spine back. If any of my other friends ignored me the way he has, I'd tell them to go suck it, wouldn't talk to them until they apologized.

Yes, transits are good for many things. They give you and extra umph when need it, they also clear the fog. Well that is unless it's Neptune transiting, then you get illusions. Part of me does feel bad, since Neptune is Opposing Venus. This is called the parasite season. Romance is full of illusions, and once the transit is complete you realized you've been shacking up with users. I don't think any less of him because of his choices, live and learn, I'm just done sticking around and putting with it.

"Those who really love you will lose faith and give up."

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A Fixer Upper Of The Soul

If you have never watched the show "Fixer Upper" on HGTV, you should watch at least one time. What Chip and Joanna Gaines do with what most would consider a horrendous house, nothing short of unique talent. They can see past the original condition and layout of house. They knock down walls that no longer serve a purpose, work with design defects, recreating each area; making the house into a brand new home. The thing that is required is to have faith in the vision of what the house can become.

After all the crap that has happened over the years, I completely stopped dreaming about buying a house. I stopped thinking about anyones future besides my kids. But in order to give them the future they deserve, I have to come up with a new dream. Yeah, it isn't what I originally wanted, but it can be so much better. Watching this show reminded me of how we have to change our own original designs and early conditioning; not be afraid to knock down walls in order to allow for something new to transform. Our parents did the best they could. I hope my own kids question and want to make changes to the early conditioning I provide.

One thing people don't know much about is the Akashic Records. It's a place accessible to all. We each are allowed to view and work on our own souls lessons. This is the place we create our soul contract, the theme's in our lives, and work from the karma of our past lives. You can go into the records to knock down a wall or block a to success in our life. All you have to do is spend time working on it, asking or praying to access and clean the record. It does take patience. But like anything being recreated and of value, it takes time.

Some think once you go and work with the record things are magically all better. What will happen is you feel less anxious and more motivated towards the changes. Situations take time to dissolve. Anyone I do readings with get my disclaimer; something's happen immediately, but they are usually the catalyst to  create the positive changes needed. Most of the time is isn't a comfortable process, but the more faith and trust you put into it, the better it feels. It's all about perspective.

Recently, I went into my records to work out the soul contract with my ex. Eliminating the junk from our past life has removed my creative blocks. I've been writing more, feeling less bogged down emotionally, and ready to move forward. My ex has been dragging his feet on moving, which really affects my emotions and work. My job requires an abnormal use of my senses. When I'm in a bad space, it's hard to be accurate. Now my ex is suddenly in the field for 2 weeks and gone all of September. I can breathe deep, work more hours, and get my groove back. My kids love their dad, but even my oldest wants him to stay out our space. He carries a cloud of negativity around like Pigpen.

You would be surprised how much past life relationships can affect your current life. Even if it isn't unbearable, having your contracts renewed, cancelled, forgiven, you name it will make things smoother. One of the sites I work on clients ask me to work on their record, which I don't mind, but I would much rather teach others so they have a tool for life. It's their soul and they will exist infinitely, so why not learn?

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Asteroid Dejanira "The Place We Are Victimized"

My mother's birthday quickly is approaching and it's stirred some serious memories. One being my next door neighbor telling me what an amazing person I was for helping take care of my father before he passed. It was the first time anyone acknowledged to my face the abuse that occurred in my house. As a kid I always wondered if you could hear the yelling and crying that went on. The picture above is how I spend from age 6 until 14, when I finally went back into foster care.

My mom was always at work, so she never really saw what went on. I hated her for years in my late teens and early 20's. How could she not know? I really don't remember when I decided to forgive her, I just know I did. Even with the background I had with my father I still helped my mom take care of him, so he could take his last miserable breathe at home. It was a hard thing to do. Truth be told, I didn't do it for him, I did it for her. The last thing he did before losing consciousness was spit liquid morphine in my face. Yup, a an asshole to the end.

I used to think his head stone should have said "Here Lies Another Angry Black Man." Funny, I turned around and married my dad, only half an angry Black man, maybe it's his German side that's angry. It's very possible, have you had German food? Come on, liverwurst, bloodcake... Southern Black food is gross too, pigs feet, yuck!

This started my thinking about the parts of our charts that show the possibilities of victimhood. What I found was startling. For those who are not familiar with Greek Mythology, Dejanira was the wife of Hercules. She was kidnapped by Nessus, who tried to force himself on her. Of course Hercules killed Nessus with a poisons dart, it's Hercules. Since Dejanira was the victim, you can guess where Nessus falls we tend to victimize. Ying and Yang.

As I searched through all the charts I have, I noticed where Asteroid Dejanira fell, especially aspected to prominent points, was a place victimization happened or is continuing to happen. No one can ever say they haven't been taken advantage or victimized in way or another. For me "Victimization" is a theme in my chart. My True Node is conjunct Dejanira in the 9th house. The 9th house is the house of Understanding. I have always felt like people don't understand me. Growing up my father never tried. This theme doesn't give me a life sentence of victimization, it means until I learn my spiritual lesson I will fall victim. Just as my Nessus falls in my 5th house of Children. I could have grown up and been my father, but I was very conscientious to not do that very thing.

A gentleman I know has his Dejanira on the cusp of the 2nd house of Possessions, 2 degree orb. His ex wife drags his ass to court just to siphon money out his pockets. To make it worse his Dejanria is square Mars. This means it's a challenge for him to take action against such acts. The other part of this aspect is the house placement, possessions also include our feelings, self-worth, and values. Most people think about possessions in tangible terms, but there are plenty of things that we own that aren't tangible. We could extend this to how we define ourselves. Social standing is influenced by our ability to earn, especially for a man. Personal and romantic relationships are effected by this as well. So in a sense she is siphoning his sense of self. Hopefully one day he challenges his Mars and finds away out.

Another friend of mine has her Dejanria conjunct her True Node in the 4th house, the house of Roots and Home. This is very true for her, she has been a victim of many things, but also her family. This house represents more as well, it represents self. So at times she can be a victim of herself. Until she integrates the lessons needed, she will continue to be a victim of her chosen circumstances. The Ruler of the 4th house is the Moon, the mother. She has had lots of issues with her mother taking advantage of her. The 4th house also deals with the subconscious, the Imum Coeli, bottom of the sky. Another concept of self.

The examples could go on, but needless to say we each have a place that we have fell prey to others. Integration of lessons and changing how we normally operate is key. Only when we leave our comfort zone do we grow.

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Starting A New Romance

A good friend of mine introduced me to a devil of an app called Tinder. Tinder matches you up with your preferences within a 100 mile radius. You swipe to left if you don't find them appealing and to the right if you do. If you both like each other then a chat option opens up. I call it the devil because it is laden with married individuals on the prowl. Too much for me. I don't do superficial relationships well. I'm done trying to meet new guys to date for awhile. I'm going to romance myself.

I have several wonderful men in my life that treat me like gold. I never considered dating them before because I didn't want to mess up our friendship. But last night my eyes were opened up. I really needed a, "It will be ok." One came out of the most surprising place. Men always think you want them to solve your problems.  If they can't then some how it's a personal failure. All I ever want is one to give a small amount of comfort. Encouraging words. Those are the relationships I should be more focused on nurturing.

It's funny because I did a composite chart of me and my ex. It shows all the train wreck dynamics. Had I known, my kids would have never been here. Probably why I didn't bother to look at all of that before I got married. Then there was a chart between me and another individual. As a friend stated it was a genius and loving chart, a rare gem. Like geniuses, if you don't utilize the potential what is the point in being one? I'm over it. It takes two and when you have someone stuck in their own thought patterns, nothing you can do but drive on. I was told you only get one relationship with that kind of potential in a lifetime. I'd rather have an average chart with someone then, a genius one with a Gemini Moon man who is afraid to step outside his comfort zone.

If you don't know anything about airy Gemini Moon's they are fickle, hence the twins. They are never sure what they really feel or trust what they feel, so reassurance is often needed. They require constant stimulation and don't function from an emotional stand point, all logic. Emotional things make them nervous. They can't relate and see emotionalism's which I'm prone, as over the top. They engage for the experience. Wit, reasoning and avoidance are all ways they deflect uncomfortable emotional situations. Oh boy, does the one I know avoid. Makes me furious and feels so disrespectful. The mental gymnastics are quite fun. My intensity may be off putting, but his aloof detachment is off putting to me.

Water under the bridge now. I whipped out my Scorpio Moon box. It's the place Scorpio's are so well known for, no longer showing we care. I might still f*** him if the opportunity presented it's self. (I know it's wrong, but oh so right in many other ways.) But that worshiping indulgence for which I'm so well known, gone baby gone. I've done cord cutting, which has helped some. Next up, the Akashic Records to clean up the contract. I did that with my ex a week ago and life has been much easier. Don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. Dealing with past life relationships is taxing. That folks, is a topic for another time.

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Screw This Supposed Gift

I've helped some people with my gift, but I've suffered more than anything. I hate seeing the dirty blonde bitch with the saggy tits, as you touch her. I hate seeing your confusion. I hate feeling your heartbreak.

This supposed gift makes me sadder than it does anything else. I want out. I don't want to feel connected or the emotions of others anymore. It's too painful.

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Passive Aggressive Cancer Man

I've never bothered to really look through my ex-husbands chart more than just a simple glance. Then it hit me reading about Cancer's. The passive aggressive crap-ola he projects onto me are a direct result of his Cancer Ascendant. If you don't know much about Cancer especially men, let me give you two words "moon ruled" or "momma's boy". This means that if your Ascendant, Sun or Moon is in Cancer you are emotional, whether you admit it or not.

I'm in the middle of a legal separation, which we are currently living under the same roof. If that isn't tricky enough, dealing with someone who is constantly asking "Don't you love me anymore?" "I knew it you never loved me." "Why won't you love me again." Hitting emotional switches quicker than you can say shenanigans. But the truth is, he had a horrible, guilt ridden relationship with his mother. Had it been more secure, that would have been projected onto me instead of his constant insecurities. Cancer's project, like the moon reflects it's source of illumination. His illumination is based on thoughts and ideologies conditioned in his youth.

One of the most common rebuttals in my house was, "We see how that worked out." Although he acknowledges the dysfunction and wrong doing he still tries to place those elements on to our children. One breathe, "Well I wasn't allowed to do that, or my mom did that to me." The next breathe "It was so messed up of my mom to do..." So why would you project that on to your children knowing the ill effects. I guess that is where introspection comes into play.

The other difficulty with his Cancer Ascendant, the Sun is square his moon. This means the ruler of how he is seen in the world, his Moon, is in direct conflict with his ego, the Sun. The emotional warfare that is constantly being played out inside of him, makes this position literally one of the hardest aspects in a natal chart. The whole house ends up in his emotional warfare. That proud Leo Moon constantly boiling, losing the grounding of his stable Taurus Sun. His way or the highway.

We see how that worked out for him...

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Under Construction

Sorry if my blog looks crazy for a bit. I'm trying to update it.

Thank you!

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The Impending Betrayal

I've created new and deeper boundaries for myself recently. Part of those boundaries was cutting individuals out of my life and making peace with situations at hand. My Ex-husband and I are separated, yet we cohabitate depending on the day of the week and his situation. I know it's odd. That situation is dissolving very, very soon. I was guided to stay still so I have and now as the world unfolds, so does my situation.

I used to feel like I had to explain myself, why. Honestly, it's no one's damn business and if you want to judge me, that's none of my business. I can't do anything about another's thoughts. Besides the point of why I'm writing this. There was someone so close to my heart, but I realized I cared more than this individual did. Once I ended up in a situation in such great turmoil and I couldn't even get a "How are you doing?" Let's just say it was a real eye opener. I'm not angry about it, but I've definitely cut them out my life for the time being. 

This leads me to my current spread. Today for the first time in a while I was compelled to look at their situation. What I saw coming absolutely breaks my heart. In the past I would have written and gave some warning, but it's not my place. Every fiber of my being wants to scream "WATCH OUT!! Danger ahead." They created the terms of our one way relationship. Now all I can do is pray and hope for the best. 

This is the reading. 

The current situation is based on the Judgement in reverse, meaning the constant deliberation of the major decision at hand is causing missed opportunities.  The Challenge of the High Priestess is changes need to be made, not hearing her wisdom will force a situation that free will is no longer and option. The only thing left will be the consequences of indecision. These consequences typically are more uncomfortable than the original situation in which would let you make changes at greater ease. 

In the past the alluring and hopeful Star presented as the "Good Idea" fairy, which lead to this very place of indecision you are residing. While the Star is a wishes fulfilled card, it is more idealistic than practical when it's energies are played out alone. The recent fading situation is signified by the Seven of Cups, the seeking of pleasure has derailed you from where you really want to be. Leading to fantasy and confusion. 

Without taking action on the situation the best outcome is the 2 of Wands, living by what is known or taking a risk. The clarification of this is highlighted by the 5 of Pentacles, showing life will continue to be challenging, run or walk it's up to you. Along with the 6 of Swords, shows there is nothing you can do besides move forward. 

The hardest part of the reading for me is what is next, the immediate future, things we usually can't do anything about, because they are already in play. The Devil, it indicates individuals that want to just use. This is highlighted by the Judgement and 7 of Cups across from it. The clarifications come in with the Knight of Cups, intense passion and 5 of Swords, pleasure at any cost. When you combine the Judgement with Knight of Cups it can create life changing situations, and not in the good way. They are unintentional.

The desire or outward self is wanting security and stability shown by the 10 of Pentacles. But the inward self or environment is in detriment with the 3 of Cups in reverse. This speaks to me about feeling lonely and isolated. Not having a sense of community. The fear here is the 7 of Swords, not wanting to be deceived. The immediate future highlights the outcome, The Tower. Sudden and complete destruction. Clarified by the 8 of Pentacles in reverse, working so hard the bigger picture is missed. Along with the Ace of Swords in reverse, utter chaos and confusion. 

The other energies in the reading show there will be a move physical move 6 of Swords and Tower. The Knight of Cups with the Tower also shows the intense nature of changes that will occur. The Seven of Swords with the Devil shows this situation will allow a break from dependency cycles. The Devil with the 5 of Pentacles express the depths of selfishness, abandonment of principles in the pursuit of pleasure and desire. The Star with the Tower allows you to use your intuition and view the situation as a good thing in the long run. This may all be painful but the highlight is with the Seven of Swords with the Star shows you are about to expand your consciousness, setting out to find growth and knowledge. 

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