Faith. Let's talk about that word. Faith is a funny thing. For some they live by it. Others, find it to be the elusive mythical unicorn. Me, I couldn’t imagine my life without it. In the hardest part of my life, where I needed things most, I quit my job on faith. I heard, "This is the time. You need to move on." So I did. I didn’t quit my job just to be rebellious. I was given an ultimatum. If you don’t know much about me, the biggest thing, I’m a single mom. My kids are my heart and life. There needs will always come before my own.
Where I was working, they couldn’t allow me to come in at 8:30 for a month. It was just until my support system could help more. I would have had a more help financially. So I said, I’m over being used and abused, not getting support after the craziness I endured.
It"s the best thing I ever did in my life. I hated interviewing. I hated the process I had to constantly go with and through. At some point I realized I was interviewing jobs myself. I refused to end up in a place that I didn’t belong. Then I was given a job I enjoy and didn’t have to take home. I never feel like I have to worry about what is waiting for me the next day. I have so much more energy to lend to my creativity and other people. My mind is not spinning in emotional places that I can’t fix. I’m my own person.
Faith....that I would end up where I belong, helped me let go. I handed it all over and I was heard. I didn’t hand it over halfway. I dove knee deep and just said “ do what you want!" I mean, let's be honest, the universe does anyway. And what I got in return for my trust and belief was and is amazing.
It isn’t about proving faith works. I learned that I can’t always control everything. If I trust what is meant for me, I will end up in a very different place. But most of all, I learned I am truly being taken care of every minute of every day. I just have to believe in what isn’t certain. That is the hardest part. Just take that leap and believeing you will end up where you belong. Truth is, we cut ourselves short by not believing in the same thing that brought us and carried us into the world. Our very being should be enough to know someone or something is looking out.
Life is not perfect by any means. It's messy and sometime heart breaking. But it's also very giving and nurturing when you give in to the urge to be in charge. I'm proud of my story, not because I'm special, but because I earnestly handed it all over. I did what I spoke. I walked my talk. For over 3 months of my life, I survived on faith alone. If I had to change it all over again, I wouldn't change a fucking thing.
