Growing up the decor of my house was typical of most kids born in the 70's. A large stucco ranch house with orange shag carpets, standard track home fecal brown kitchen cabinets, and verdant curtains. Aww yes, the hideous window dressings. If you drove by my house you might have thought that my mom was hip or chic'... or she just had really odd taste in decor. From looking at the outside of my house one thing you would never see was the bellicose current running through it. My house was a battle ground. My father was the Dictator, General, all mighty... the Omnipotent, well according to him.
Reflecting as an adult I realized that we each have our own window dressings. The curtains that we wear to cover our truth, hiding the amassed pain that encompasses our soul. Each layer needs to peel away for us to see the divine light of our soul. For my father, there was no coping with his tumor ripe with disappointment and disillusion. He hoarded every negative experience until the point that love could barely live in his heart. Dealing with people in everyday settings became and inconvenience. Hell I'll go as far as to say for him life in general was an inconvenience.
My father took everything personally so every slight in his life was a direct attack on him and his self-worth. If he had only decided to view things differently he might have lived in a light of love; instead he choose to live in a valley of solitude and darkness. His window dressings probably looked "Hot Rod" flames, not cause he was cool but because they would actually burn down anything that came close. Personally I changed my curtains on a regular basis, because he was always burn them down.
One day I looked in the mirror and I saw him looking back at me. That was when I realized that I was allowing the plaque of anger to clog the arteries of my soul. Living with purpose, loving even the most annoying things in my life allowed my soul to start shining in a way I have never known. Viewing other negative individuals with compassion instead of dread. You can't expect others to just accept the light you try and shine in their lives. They have to see it for what it is and want to receive your gifts.
I've learned that some individuals curtains are like iron. They choose to not allow your light or theirs to permeate through. This doesn't mean that I should stop trying it just means that I need to continue being an example of light and love. If I'm doing it free of my own ego then there is no reason for me to take it personal or as a rejection. It isn't about me. Unconditional love and acceptance comes from extending to others with out expectations of anything in return.
So far I'm actually finding letting things go so much easier than holding on to them. It was very hard at first, but when you start checking your ego at the door it becomes effortless. The destiny of my soul is to be of service of others. And in order to fulfill that purpose I must shed all ego centered things. It's the only way to truly see.... I AM.
"Rise up and free yourself now and for always from the domination of your personality, with its self-inflated and self-glorifying mind and intellect.
For your mind henceforth must be Your servant, and the intellect Your slave, if My Word is to penetrate to your Soul conciousness which I have quickened expressly in preparation for the reception of My Word.
Now, if you are strong enough to bear it;
If you can put asside all your private personal fancies, beliefs and opinions, which are but the rubbish you have gathered from the dumping grounds of others;
If you are strong enough to cast them all away;-
Then My Word will be to you a source of endless Joy and Blessing."
Joseph S. Benner - The Impersonal Life
