The New Norm

Well folks, here we are toting masks along like it's Halloween night, every night we are in public. Did you ever think growing up, "Hey! I wanna wear a mask in public, every interaction" as a child? Not fucking one of us EVER!!! 

With this weird new world we have realities of public figures we never knew existed. We have new ways of being involved with each other. We have new perspectives of how the world really works. W-E-L-C-O-M-E to Uranus's influence in 2020. Buckle up buttercup, we are going to keep seeing rebellion in our way of life until the middle of 2021. Yup, hate to be the bearer of bad news but this isn't even half over yet. If Brittany Spears in 2007 could be a time period, we are living it!!!

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Faith

Faith. Let's talk about that word. Faith is a funny thing. For some they live by it. Others, find it to be the elusive mythical unicorn. Me, I couldn’t imagine my life without it. In the hardest part of my life, where I needed things most, I quit my job on faith. I heard, "This is the time. You need to move on." So I did. I didn’t quit my job just to be rebellious. I was given an ultimatum. If you don’t know much about me, the biggest thing, I’m a single mom. My kids are my heart and life. There needs will always come before my own.

Where I was working, they couldn’t allow me to come in at 8:30 for a month. It was just until my support system could help more. I would have had a more help financially. So I said, I’m over being used and abused, not getting support after the craziness I endured.

It"s the best thing I ever did in my life. I hated interviewing. I hated the process I had to constantly go with and through. At some point I realized I was interviewing jobs myself. I refused to end up in a place that I didn’t belong. Then I was given a job I enjoy and didn’t have to take home. I never feel like I have to worry about what is waiting for me the next day. I have so much more energy to lend to my creativity and other people. My mind is not spinning in emotional places that I can’t fix. I’m my own person.

Faith....that I would end up where I belong, helped me let go. I handed it all over and I was heard. I didn’t hand it over halfway. I dove knee deep and just said “ do what you want!" I mean, let's be honest, the universe does anyway. And what I got in return for my trust and belief was and is amazing.

It isn’t about proving faith works. I learned that I can’t always control everything. If I trust what is meant for me, I will end up in a very different place. But most of all, I learned I am truly being taken care of every minute of every day. I just have to believe in what isn’t certain. That is the hardest part. Just take that leap and believeing you will end up where you belong. Truth is, we cut ourselves short by not believing in the same thing that brought us and carried us into the world. Our very being should be enough to know someone or something is looking out.

Life is not perfect by any means. It's messy and sometime heart breaking. But it's also very giving and nurturing when you give in to the urge to be in charge. I'm proud of my story, not because I'm special, but because I earnestly handed it all over. I did what I spoke. I walked my talk. For over 3 months of my life, I survived on faith alone. If I had to change it all over again, I wouldn't change a fucking thing.

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We’re all on a journey in this life. Each of us may have a different purpose, values, beliefs and backgrounds. My mission is to align the likeness that unite us, versus the differences that divide us. I want to hear your truth. In being anonymous and open, facing the places that make you feel most open and vulnerable; I hope to help you heal. This is week 1.

Please feel free and open to share your following:

1. The first time you felt obligated to uphold a tradition in which you didn't believe or felt judged because you deviated from your families norm.

2. The first time your realized you didn't understand why your family was so hard or judgmental of other's traditions, wondering why there difference was so upsetting. I'm not looking for reason, I'm looking for what was observed.

Please feel free to send me a message me in comments or to the left in contact me.

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Shame on me

I think back to last year and the year before. My ex, he told me I was wrong for not wanting to put a tree up. I know I have kids, but my mom had been dead for three months. Three months, like grief just disappears in that time. My mom was my best friend, my lifeline to sanity and the world. I had gotten rid of everything in her house and PCS'd to Colorado. My whole childhood and every good and ugly memory in that house, summed up in a few days. All to keep our family supposedly whole. Like a tornado hadn't ripped through my life and stolen the foundation on which I stood.

I took care of my mom and my 3 kids all by myself. My mom was on hospice and end of life care was a slavemaster demanding the last of my strength. It was so hard to ask my 13 year old to watch her while I went to the store or whatever other errand I had. It got to the point that I wasn't even comfortable not being awake while she slept. I cleaned her bedsores. I changed and sponged bathed her. I held her hand until her last breath. And after all of that I was supposed to have the heart to put up a plastic tree, in good spirits.

What kind of husband denies your grief and puts his needs of a holiday first. Yes, he was leaving for Kuwait, but I had been there through dangerous deployments. Too many, to his second home, Iraq. I've really needed him to the point I couldn't function on my own twice. When I was pregnant with the twins and when my mother was dying. Both times he let me down.

The first time he was having an affair with a woman which he had an illegitimate child. The second he was knee deep in his military career. I never professed to be the perfect wife, but I was there when he felt all else forsook him. I was there even when he ignored me and found comfort in the bottle and women. I fought to get him help, to save his career; hell, to save himself. All I got in return was a request for pillows and a blanket in the sand. Left alone to raise 3 kids alone in a new place. How dare I ask for him to miss this deployment to Kuwait.

I had asked to separate so many times. My resolve wavering. I can't tell you how many soldiers wished their wife took the time to understand their plight. They dreamed of a home that missed and longed for them. Mine, he decided burying himself in a married soldier would fill the void. Funny how that works. Soldiers complain about wives cheating, wives complain about soldiers cheating. Maybe the Army is full of ungrateful asses. Or maybe ungrateful asses fill the ranks of soldiers.

Then again according to others I should just be glad my husband provided. I shouldn't expect emotional or other support from him. How do I know these people again?

So my fun ex has a new chick, again. I'm happy for him. Truly I am, I just want him to know that I will never feel sorry for him once this broad takes him for what he has left. He didn't learn from the woman who admitted to taking a condom out the garbage. He didn't learn from the married woman who's husband was in his old unit. He will never learn. And I'm glad as hell I don't have to be attached to such a person anymore.

My ex isn't a bad person, he's a lost person. One that I can't help, nor is it my job. Even after all this heartbreak, I know this is not the person he wanted to be. It was the person he accepted and became. Someone who asked his grieving wife to put up a Christmas tree. When she didn't have the emotional wherewithal was told shame on you.

Well guess what the father of my children, my ex best friend from before we could drink legally... I salute you with a high flying bird. One that craps on your head and reminds you how life will be once you no longer have cover from the rain. Yes, even if it is raining bird shit.

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The Christmas Blues

This year has been a rough one. Physically, I've been injured for a long time. Emotionally, well I have no idea how I'm still going. Doing readings is either feast or famine. Now that I'm off crutches and don't have physical therapy 3 days a week I've been job searching. It hasn't been easy. I have 3 kids to clothe and feed in the middle of this divorce. I definitely have the Christmas blues.

I know that coming out the other end I will be ok, but just getting it all back together is the struggle. I've allowed my kids dad to them on Christmas. This will be the first year I have not spent with them. I'm trying to keep my head high and not let the holidays zap what's left of my motivation.

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Winds of Change

My mom used to tell me that I should never start anything new in the last 3 months before my birthday. I never really understood until this past year. Just like the seasons are cyclic, so are we. Those last three months are the burning down period, or the equivalent to winter. The first three months after your birthday are your spring. Time to plant your seeds. Time to ride the winds of change.

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I can feel it.  It's been building over the past few weeks, like an antsy Thoroughbred at the racing gate. I wake up with a huge smile on my face. Go through my day doing my tasking with love and joy. Oh those winds, swirling around my feet, whipping my hair, whispering to me... soon.

It doesn't matter what I'm doing through my day I can feel the shift occurring around me. Living in gratitude, I have all I need. This year is supposed be pivotal for my future. The foundation for future success. I truly believe it, because I have a great love for my solitude, respect for the lessons and challenges I've been facing. The same things that would set the stress meter on high barely make a blip on the radar.

That balance that seemed to allude me is starting to creep it's way into complete understanding. The things I'm shown are not always for reveling to others, but to give me a greater understanding of what is going on. It's showing me not to take it personal. Telling me now, you have given, now it's time to stop acting and be an observer.

Looking back over the past couple years, the same sensation was in the air, but they were caused more fear based emotions. This year because I have changed the way I view my challenges and the purpose for them, that wind is welcomed. I don't have great expectation in the traditional sense, my expectations are more about embracing the ride before me.

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It's All In Your Head

The mind is a powerful tool that can be used for good or evil. This is true when it comes to your self talk as well. I love doing readings, shedding light in the dark recesses my clients hide from. The only draw back, for some it creates anxiety instead allowing healing. That hamster gets running and a new crop of issues appear out of nowhere. They are perceived failures and what if's that haven't even occurred. The point of being given the information is not to worry, but to use it as a tool to make better decisions.

This morning I woke up super early, like a quarter to 4 early. When I say wide awake I mean like I literally just popped up. My body felt like dancing, who needs coffee when life is flowing along. Not even 10 minutes into my feel good,  a surge came in and I felt like yelling, "NO!! The information given to you was not for that purpose, stop that crap!!" I was like I feed someone's hamster information amphetamines. Totally running out of control at warp speed. The epitome of the Nine of Swords, the looping mind.

I had someone tell me one time, "well all the things I was worried about happened, so I had a right to be worried." It was hard to stifle the scoff that was about to come out. This is where the Law of Intention and the Law of Attraction come in. Yes, I'm sure they did happen, because this individuals thoughts manifested those worries into their life.

Worries are like Gizmo in the movie Gremlins. He's small, soft and gentle, but feed him after midnight, those thoughts are replicating at a dangerous rate with a vicious twist. Do yourselves a favor when the mind starts to loop, mindfully turn your thoughts to a positive place. Pull the hamster off the wheel and go to sleep. I used to be a late night worrier, but I realized I missed sleep and nothing was solved. Meditating and allowing them to flow instead of you moving them around is so much healthier. It allows for release and intuition to become your guide.

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The Path In Front Of You

One of the hardest things for me as a tarot reader is just giving the information and letting go of the end result. Some readers learn how to read the cards by memorizing. I use the cards because it's what's expected. Most of the information I get is not directly from the cards by what I'm told or shown. When what I hear or see is unclear, the cards can help decipher the messages.

I've always said that I would never tell anyone about death, the only one who knows when our time is up, is the one who created all. This was a specific boundary for me. I don't believe in telling the future. I believe in telling you all the energies that are present in your life, some you can change and others you can not. Either way, the client has free will to choose how they want to deal with the situations.

Well my boundaries have been flexed overtime since my ex is out my life. Last weekend I was called to do a reading that seemed like normal. But when I got to the reading I had a message for someone else at the location. It was the first time I had seen, without a shadow of a doubt, death if a change was not made. The person who it was for had a deep addiction that was physically manifesting and causing the individual to switch to an even worse addiction. To compile the problem this person was a sensitive.

Lot's of people with the gift to feel others, see what most would call crazy, have addiction problems. It's a way to try and cope with the wave of constant incoming energy and information. It over loads your emotions and senses. So they drink or use drugs as a way to escape the excess stimulation. The flip side of such coping is you draw negative energy toward you because your vibration is so low. This is where the term "low life" came from. I'm not one to get all new-age-y and talk about vibrations, but the truth is everything is matter, vibrating at a certain rate. Matter is never created or destroyed, it's just transformed from one state to another.

I didn't tell this individual that they would die, although that was the message, but I did stress the importance of making changes now. It was the warning that the threshold has not been crossed, and now was the time to act. I spoke in terms of chemical responses to the brain and healing that had to take place for the brain chemistry to go back to normal. I spoke of how it wasn't just a physical response. The relief they were looking for came from a spiritual place. I gave them tools, explaining psychic protection; I told them I would help cleanse the energies continuing to attach themselves and even hold their hand through detox. You don't charge people in that dire of straights. How can you call yourself a healer? Others may disagree, but in a situation like that, I was called by one and obviously meant for another.

So it's a week later, I haven't heard from this person and I haven't received any interference. Meaning, I get poked with messages and dreams if I ignore what I'm being told. This was squarely on the individual. It's hard to just detach myself from such a sad situation, they're a single parent. But I brought my message, I offered what I could and now I just have to be ok with it.

Now ,enter another situation. This has been the most frustrating, emotionally charged, complicated, relationship I have ever dealt with. It started in a odd way. I thought it ended in an odd way. Yet, it's still not done. It's like a period of rest. For me it's a pain in the ass. I find my self having to give messages and be patient with things I would never normally deal with. But it taught me and brought me to what I do now. This person also has choices to make, and for some reason I'm constantly having to tell and nudge. The destiny for this person is greater than my ego and hurt feelings. I remind myself  of this over and over. You want to talk about humbling.

Let me tell you, every time I have a dream, I want scream, "WHY ME?" The whole dynamic makes me crazy. But I was brought to this place and point, like everything else I do, I have to trust this is for a reason. They don't understand it and neither do I, but it is what it is. I want to detach myself from the outcome in this situation as well. But the one thing about this situation, I keep acquiring tools as time goes on. It's less personal. It just doesn't make me feel any less crazy.

It's like I get slices of things to show as a proof of life, so I can yell "Now get your ass back on the path!" But the flip side is I've learned how to love this person in a way that is truly unique. It's pure, I don't need their love in return, I don't need to know what's going on in their life. I just radiate love. It feels good to wake up and send love in that direction. So maybe that is part of my path. To learn to love with out possessing or wanting. I love them for the shear joy I get from sending love to them. It's allowed me to do that with all the relationships in my life. I wake up with joy and I go to sleep with the same joy.

Update: I had something's happen tonight and I realized, just because I'm open doesn't mean that I have to listen. I don't want to deal with this anymore, not like this. I should have more of a say over my space. They are my dream's, thought's, my everything. There shouldn't be a penalty for not going along like a good girl. I'm tired of feeling like I'm left to other's whim's. As much as I have learned, screw this, I don't want to be a slave or just an end to fit the means. If they don't get what they are supposed to do, I can't and won't own that. Too bad for their self-centered butt. I have other crap to do. You have something to share and offer the world, you don't want to do it, that's on you. I refuse to own that.

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Being Happy

For me, stress is a thing of the past. My load has gotten a lot lighter. I wish I would have just trusted everything would be ok and stop trying to make it alright. It wasn't alright, matter of fact I'm pretty sure I made it worse. Bottom line I owned someone else's issues and didn't do what was best for myself.

Since learning that very life changing and painful lesson. I don't need anymore encouragement in the letting it go area. I've let everything go. I came to a place of peace and it is so liberating. All that energy in worrying about this, that and other. Nah, totally over it.

Now, before you think I'm having some post-marital psychotic break, just hear me out. When I was first married I was foot loose and fancy free, as I have been all my life. The one trait that anyone predating my marriage would tell you, I was fearless and full of optimism. My friends used to think I was crazy, because I would run or roller blade 10 miles to work. If the world kicked me, I would shake it off and say the world kicked like a sissy.

I stayed that way until my pregnancy with the twins. Then suddenly life seemed so much heavier. More responsibility meant less of me to go around. As time wore by, my shine dimmed. That place that made me happy seemed to shift. It wasn't all the responsibility that degraded my happiness, it was my need to shoulder it on my own. I stopped doing what made me resilient all my youth; I handed it over to something higher than myself. I had a better perspective of what I could and couldn't control as a child than as an adult.

So I wake up in the morning, I chose to think about the things that I have to take care of, but not worry about them. I drive with my sunroof open, windows down, hair whipping in the wind as I sing  to any given tune that makes me smile. When I stop at a red light, I flash a great big smile at the driver next to me, spreading the joy. You know what happens, they smile back. People have always talked to me unsolicited, but now it's doubled. I'm positive it's because the smile I wear constantly.

Happiness is not something you wait for, or are given. It is some thing you have to decide. I'm a contractor so I don't get paid every two weeks. I get paid after submitting an invoice and waiting 30 days. Well the company I contract for screwed up the payment process so my pay would be almost 3 weeks behind. I didn't stress and start going into a panic attack I just kept saying I trust it will be alright. This will get handled. I went about my business, stayed positive and happy. Guess what showed up in the mail 3 days later than the normal time, not 3 weeks. Yup, my check.

Everything else in my life might run short at some point. But 3 things never do Love, Optimism, and Faith. These things fuel my soul. Happiness is a choice. Everyday I choose nothing less than happiness.

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Natural Way is Expansion

So I didn't think I have much left in me tonight. But I'm excited, full of happiness and joy for others. I have so many people I care about expanding and achieving so it makes me so joyous!! Our souls natural state is to constantly grow. God, the creator, who ever you think is in charge didn't make you to be stagnate. They wanted us to expand, not waist wise, but soulfully.

Everyday we are challenged, by our circumstances, by our situations or other things we never imagined. The point is all the same, just open your heart and believe that if he created your beautiful self he will take care of you. That doubting mind is oh so human, but trust, what will you lose.

The world is so full of uncertainties. What you will go through if x and y aren't met. But if you give it all away. Believe you are loved in a way that you aren't used to, one that is unfamiliar you will be ok. This doesn't mean be foolish and spend reckless amounts of money. It means when things get hard and blind, give blindly and trust in the thing that was great enough to form every working cell in your body. Know your life has purpose.

God is amazing if you really give him time, get to know him. He has a unique design for you. A beautifully complicated plot that you can play lead. All you have to is B-E-L-I-E-V-E in his all knowing ways.

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Chumming the Dating Waters

I've written a bit about my divorce and the choice I've made to spend time in redeveloping myself. Beyond saying I want to romance myself, I never really got into the reasons why. The obvious reasons are my children. I don't want them to think that relationships are a revolving door; one leaves another person enters. The other factor is I don't want anyone around my kids that don't have their best interest at heart. They are sacred to me, like all sacred things only a few get to experience their presence.

The reason outside my kids is me, why I got married and will engage in another soulful relationship. First, I'm not the bitter "all men are dogs and liars" kind of woman. Everyone is judged on their own merit. I know I will find and love again. But then again, maybe that is the Libra in me, in love with the thought and sensation of love. Everyone marries for different reasons. Some for companionship, others financial and security reasons, me it's all about the L-O-V-E. There is nothing like someone who knows your thoughts without you speaking them.  That soulful connection that let's you know it's you and them against the world. Bring it, because we are unshakeable.

So when I think about dating, I think about meeting new people and trying new things. But the problem with most after divorce, we are chumming the waters with our dignity and self esteem. Most people don't get out of a marriage without the typical dents and dings of "what was wrong with me." Dates that consist of validating we still have it, equate to disaster. Why? Because we want proof that we are still worthy of loving, still young enough to turn heads, whatever the "thing" is we need to still feel relevant and have something to offer. Placing our worth in someone else's hands is always a set up for failure. Everyone doesn't do it, but it does happen for many. Most don't even realize that's what's silently going on.

When I think of marriage, I see two souls becoming one. In order to do so you have to take part of your own soul and give it to another. So what happens to those soul pieces once they are discarded by divorce? Time is needed to collect each piece you gave away. That means healing and making what was given whole again. Finding the loves and the part of yourself you gave away to make room for another's. I don't think people contemplate much of what is traded in such an intimate relationship. We all have soul pieces that we lose when we are deeply wounded or deeply connected to another, even when that connection fades. Those parts of ourselves, we have to rediscover and recollect to be whole, after any great loss. Maybe you might find someone who helps you do that, but that is a rarity.

I can go out and date with a plan. It's all fun and games until someone ends up taking me by surprise. I was just looking for a good time. Why do I feel like this? I don't know when that next "one" is going to be placed in my life. But with out my own soul pieces back, how can I really give my heart. Once you are involved with someone else how do you have time to rediscover yourself? You're discovering something else new. It might be something you will enjoy, but is it genuinely you?  You will never know without that much needed break to stare yourself in the mirror. Allowing for cathartic moments that pave way for something new.

I might be unique in the sense that I enjoy my alone time. I enjoy thoughts untainted by others opinions and prejudices. My mind is a machine that never goes out of service, just a little sideways. But I also enjoy the challenge of others. I do long for the touch of another's skin against mine. But I'm a treasure, like true treasures, it isn't encountered by many. So if I just go all willy-nilly in my needs for sexual healing and ego validation, how is it I'm treasuring myself? If I want to be treated like the uniquely intelligent, nurturing, sexy woman I am. I sure can't, not use my mind to reason through the maze of single, uncertain new beginnings. I better pamper myself and nurture my own heart before another's. Truly, there is nothing sexy about a woman who has no sense of self love or worth.

I'm a genuinely sexual woman. I like all kinds of kinky and naughty things. But I also know that it's not meant for all men. I'm not chumming the water with my sexual prowess in hopes a shark will stay. I don't need someone to let me know I'm still young, beautiful, and worth getting to know. If a man can't figure that out on his own, he doesn't deserve the prize inside. If I'm the treasure I think I am, I'm damn well going to make you work to find the key. Only a special person deserves to unlock my box.

If you are newly getting out a long term relationship, please be kind to yourself and be honest. There is nothing wrong with you if you decide to opt out. You never need another person to validate your worth. You are uniquely you and worth loving the way you want and deserve.

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Master Numbers and Astrology

I've spent some really boring moments on my butt lately. Having a torn ACL and meniscus means I don't get around much. Someone thought it was a bad idea to give me crutches because of my dislocated elbow and fractured humerus. Yeah, when I get hurt, I get really hurt. I was really mad at first, anything that restricts my freedom enrages me. Part of my rebellious nature, no one is going to tell me what I can and can't do. This is why I think this happened in the first place. Kinda like the universe put me on a time out. It's the only way I would have been forced to stop and make a plan. If you know me, then you know I do best flying by the seat of my pants. Not saying that planning is bad, I just know life never goes as planned.

Since my forced time out, I've reflected on the things I want, how to get them and who I am, minus the 220lbs that I just left my life. I came across a book my mom had on numerology. I've never really played with numerology. I have much respect for it. I believe in the trinity and divine number 7.  Everything has a vibration to it, even numbers. While playing around with the concepts, I've learned that my twins and I both have Master Number 22 and my oldest Master Number 11 as a life path.

When I learned about what Master Number 22 was all about, I had an "ah ha" moment. The very concept of 22 is bringing dreams into reality. Taking from above and creating here on earth. Anyone who knows me knows if I want something, I find a way to get it, no matter what it is. It's kind of a trademark of mine. It annoys some because I don't have to work hard for it, and it's seen as wasted talent. For me, it does make me a bit lazy. I just always saw it as luck.

The more I read about this Master Number I learned it comes with great potential but also causes a bit of stress. Expectations of yourself become a point of contention in the sense of failure. You're set up for success but something inside of you is scared to death. The fear you will fail. Yes, that fun bit of perfectionism can really do a number on your self esteem in terms of failing. The more I read I realized this is the same thing as my Saturn trine Neptune. Saturn in 7th and Neptune in 10th, both angular houses.

Saturn trine Neptune is the aspect that makes dreams come true, all you need is to have faith and hard work. Well Hot Damn! Two different systems with the same aspects. I remember being looked at crazy when I would tell people I believed anything was possible, just imagine it. These aspects also come with a flip side. If you see things in the negative that is what you will receive. A gift and a curse. The vibration of the mind no matter what state it is in, will manifest a tangible outcome.

I'm going to have knee surgery soon. That means several more months down. Oh well, gives me plenty of time to think about all the things I would like to create. Being in this bad relationship had sucked the creativity out of me. The funny thing I read about Master Number 22, on the lower end I would "... slip into the depths obscurity, achieving little more than personal support." That is exactly what my marriage did, made me the personal advisor to an ungrateful individual. If I have to spend months on my arse in order to realize the higher end of my potential again, so be it.

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Soul Recognition

I've entered and am exiting a rather confusing time. The next phase of my life is beginning and I thought that someone else was supposed to come along. God gave us free will so that we can grow.  Although I know and recognize the past and the future we are supposed to create, it's oaky that the other party doesn't. That is joy of free will. Each, in our own time, in our own way.

I understand the point of the circumstance, soul recognition goes beyond our eyes and normal social standings. The point is to challenge us to something new, so that our souls grow. Growth has no boundaries, no norms, no comforts, just truths.  If you don't learn this life, you have plenty of other chances. The hardest part of living an earthly life for some is letting go of material, earthly ways of validation. You can't take your riches and sense of security with you when you leave your present life. It all get's left behind, including the things you did to achieve such wealth. Where you kind? Where you generous? Where you hoarding what you have to prove your worth?

All those things come into play. When you believe you will have enough, truly believe in your heart of hearts, you will. When you hang your souls worth on it all, you become a slave to earthly recognition. You can create a legacy for your children by working through their hearts, and teaching them, kindness, unconditional love, and the Universal Laws . It's ok to attain wealth and substance, as  long as your recognize it for what it is. Once you hang your soul's validity on such things it violates the purpose of this life. We never live just to obtain stuff, we live to obtain knowledge. Food for the ever wanting and expanding soul.

You are always perfect and deserve the best, but don't get caught up so much that you can only relate through earthly things. Be in the world, not of the world. You will meet souls along the way and you have a choice to nurture those relationships or nurture you false sense of self. If you are living a good and giving life, those earthly things will come. They will come, because you are grateful for everything in your life, even the difficult things teaching you something new. Keep your mind straight and your heart loving.

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Won't Be Blogging For A Bit

I dislocated my elbow, so I won't be typing much for a while. Ta Ta for now.

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Time To Clean House

When I get cranky and emotional as I am today and my dogs are refusing to come in my work area, it's clear sign I need to clean my house. I typically sage my house once a week. This week I have been dealing with quite a few people who have had some negative energy. So I'm whipping out the heavy hitter, "Three Kings" resin. This is a mix of Frankincense, Myrrh, and Sandalwood.

My neighbors all think I'm smoking pot when I burn sage and I'm into witchcraft when I burn resin. It's funny how everything has to have a label. Frankincense is used in the Catholic Church during mass. How is the witchy? I think everyone should cleanse their house, especially in times of high stress. You would be amazed at the things you bring home with you.

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Last Night

In the words of my very good friend, I got "white girl" wasted. My friend is white. If you have never heard of this term, Amy Schumer does a great skit of it's definition on Comedy Central. It's basically when you get super emotional about everything while drinking.

Thank god my phone died. I almost gave up the last of my dignity, my thumbs vomited loving accolades to a man who doesn't even gave a shit about me. Then I wised up an almost slept with my ex, as if that was a good revenge move. Thank god I realized I would never get rid of his ass if I did that. Like that would make anything better, so glad I dodged that bullet.

I'm rather ashamed of myself. Not for the rambling or the crying. God knows I've been holding the crying in. Not for the crazy ass texts that I sent. My diet has been spot on lately minus last Saturday, Wednesday and last night. I was doing a fine job moving forward with my physical goals. I just don't like using alcohol as buffer. It's a slippery slope that is unnecessary.

If it wasn't for the fact I've been grieving the loss of so many people I love, I wouldn't be so hard on myself. Grieving is the wrong time to indulge in booze. Actually, I woke up this morning and laughed at the immaturity of my actions. When it's a duck you call it a duck. I've been extremely hurt and feeling like I have a hole in my heart. I know that there is a plan for me, but why does it have to be so painful?

I always wonder, is there anyone that feels my pain like I feel their's?

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Florida Move... Really?

Most people who know me, know I keep my circle tight. I'm not the kind of person that has 500 people on my Facebook page. Hell, I was surprised when I hit triple digits. I love to socialize and I know a decent amount of people, but not that many really know me. So having my best friend move to Florida is really messing me up. That will 4 of my close friends who bailed off to Florida. Don't they know how shitty the schools are compared to here.

Crappy schools or not I'm devastated. My support system here is small and I might be losing another close one soon to that stupid state. Praying for it not to happen. Actually I'm not, I would never pray for something that would prevent someone else's happiness. I'm just having and adult tantrum right now. Yeah, I have them from time to time. At least I'm honest.

Figured I'd get it out before the crew gets here. We are going party like when were 25! Yup, been my Sista for 12 years! If I write when I've been drinking some really random things fly out my head. I might even go into some irrelevant rant about another pooh butt who has made me really sad. She better treat him well. No matter how much it hurts, I hope that all those I love are happy.  Even the ones who break my heart.

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Prayers for Rupal and Family

This morning I received an email from a friend in India who's father just passed. I know this is the beginning of a new journey for her father. But its also a sad and inevitable ending for her and the family. My blog isn't super popular -- yet. If you see this, please say a little prayer of strength and comfort for a stranger. Most would be surprised at how many strangers pray for them without knowledge.

Rupal - I love you, sending strength and comfort.

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Lucid Dreaming

I had a client ask me about dream walking, a technique that allows you to intend your way into another individuals dream's. Dream walking is an advanced technique based on Lucid Dreaming. Lucid dreaming is when you are sleeping, but you're conscious. I've never really had to practice a particular technique to achieve this state, it just happens if I intent it. Back at the beginning of my marriage I would dream walk when my ex was overseas. It didn't happen often, because he ended up in long periods of sleep deprivation.

The biggest issue with most people is dream recall. That has never been an issue for me, my dream recall is phenomenal. The key is not to jump up the second you wake up. I replay my dream, but the best thing is to write or voice record it. Last night, I had a lucid dream that reminded me of the effect the conscious and subconscious can have when working in sync. For those who don't understand that statement, let me say it differently. When lucid dreaming your pain and pleasure sensors are intact. For example, I was grabbed by my forearm and lifted into the air. On the releasing of the grip, while I was shouting "NOW!!!" I woke up.  When I woke up, I was shouting 'now' in real life and could feel the pain searing through my forearm.

What happened? I was asleep but my conscious was not. As I navigated this particular dream, my physical sensory never turned off. My subconscious whips up the landscape an theme, this time it was expelling demons, my conscious made my body feel the physicality's of the dream. The best thing about lucid dreaming is being able to control the dream. There was no fear when this beast picked me up, it enabled me to look it in the face and demand it be gone. Kinda my theme now days. Cutting the through the crap.

I also blame this dream on too much garlic. I've been refining my foods, so there is less processed sugars and starches and lots of the healthy fats. I made an awesome veggie stir-fry, but I went crazy with the garlic. The demons in my dream were all the things of the past I've been clearing, taking back control over my life. So as painful as the grip felt, the liberation from actively taking part, not being a passive observer, felt even better.

Most people think you can't control your dreams, but you can, set an intention. Everything in this world is based on your mind. Intention is the key. Try it and let me know how it works for you.

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Transiting Sun Conjunct Natal Saturn = Get Real

A good friend of mine suggested that I blog more often if I wanted increased traffic. So here I am doing just that. It just so happens that the Sun is transiting my Saturn. Saturn is the disciplinarian of the planets. Saturn makes you stick to your guns; it also punishes you when you don't.  The energy that is released is triggered and amplified by transits. How it manifests it's no nonsense energy is dictated by the planet transiting. This particular transit started last week through my 7th house.

The 7th house is the House of Partnerships. This means any of your relationships, whether they are business or personal will be affected. This is why I suddenly got the bright idea to clear my junk with my ex out my Akashic record last week. It is also why I'm also getting stern with another relationship in my life. Saturn makes you open your eyes, so when it is energized by the Sun (Ego) you cut through the crap really quick. It feels like someone throwing a bucket of ice water on you. You can't but help to snap into reality.

My re-evaluation is based on a set of facts that I disregarded in my starry eyed period. I won't lie, I was thinking with my heart and vagina. This particular person has completely abandoned our friendship because he has something new entertaining his penis. I've always taken issue with individuals that give up or abandon friendships over new romances. Especially, when I've discussed past relationships or potential relationships with them. Most chicks won't talk to a guy about their potential conquest.

I had a friend do this person's chart. One of the theme's acknowledging the one's who will pack your parachute over, those who just want to flatter. Yeah. It's time to hit the bricks. I've said it before and somehow, got all weak in the knees. Well not this time. Thank you transit for giving me my spine back. If any of my other friends ignored me the way he has, I'd tell them to go suck it, wouldn't talk to them until they apologized.

Yes, transits are good for many things. They give you and extra umph when need it, they also clear the fog. Well that is unless it's Neptune transiting, then you get illusions. Part of me does feel bad, since Neptune is Opposing Venus. This is called the parasite season. Romance is full of illusions, and once the transit is complete you realized you've been shacking up with users. I don't think any less of him because of his choices, live and learn, I'm just done sticking around and putting with it.

"Those who really love you will lose faith and give up."

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