Being Happy

For me, stress is a thing of the past. My load has gotten a lot lighter. I wish I would have just trusted everything would be ok and stop trying to make it alright. It wasn't alright, matter of fact I'm pretty sure I made it worse. Bottom line I owned someone else's issues and didn't do what was best for myself.

Since learning that very life changing and painful lesson. I don't need anymore encouragement in the letting it go area. I've let everything go. I came to a place of peace and it is so liberating. All that energy in worrying about this, that and other. Nah, totally over it.

Now, before you think I'm having some post-marital psychotic break, just hear me out. When I was first married I was foot loose and fancy free, as I have been all my life. The one trait that anyone predating my marriage would tell you, I was fearless and full of optimism. My friends used to think I was crazy, because I would run or roller blade 10 miles to work. If the world kicked me, I would shake it off and say the world kicked like a sissy.

I stayed that way until my pregnancy with the twins. Then suddenly life seemed so much heavier. More responsibility meant less of me to go around. As time wore by, my shine dimmed. That place that made me happy seemed to shift. It wasn't all the responsibility that degraded my happiness, it was my need to shoulder it on my own. I stopped doing what made me resilient all my youth; I handed it over to something higher than myself. I had a better perspective of what I could and couldn't control as a child than as an adult.

So I wake up in the morning, I chose to think about the things that I have to take care of, but not worry about them. I drive with my sunroof open, windows down, hair whipping in the wind as I sing  to any given tune that makes me smile. When I stop at a red light, I flash a great big smile at the driver next to me, spreading the joy. You know what happens, they smile back. People have always talked to me unsolicited, but now it's doubled. I'm positive it's because the smile I wear constantly.

Happiness is not something you wait for, or are given. It is some thing you have to decide. I'm a contractor so I don't get paid every two weeks. I get paid after submitting an invoice and waiting 30 days. Well the company I contract for screwed up the payment process so my pay would be almost 3 weeks behind. I didn't stress and start going into a panic attack I just kept saying I trust it will be alright. This will get handled. I went about my business, stayed positive and happy. Guess what showed up in the mail 3 days later than the normal time, not 3 weeks. Yup, my check.

Everything else in my life might run short at some point. But 3 things never do Love, Optimism, and Faith. These things fuel my soul. Happiness is a choice. Everyday I choose nothing less than happiness.